Perceptive Realities

Had coffee with Iris this weekend. I've come to realize we have basically no common ground at all anymore. Since we've broken up, she's released any mental clamps she had locked for the sake of socializing with me, and has spun off into her own thing.

This is good for her, I think, as it means that she's driving her own life solo now, but at the same time basically annuls any understand we have of each other. The outing was... fine. However, when we were dating, I often felt that she didn't really care about things I talk about, that she listened because she loved me, rather than she cared. Since she does no longer, she doesn't have that hold. There were also some poignant remarks about guys she's been fooling around with that were made, I think, to make a point to me.

I think the point could have been made in a less gouging fashion.

Suffice it to say that with the termination of the evening any doubt I may have had lingering about relationship possibilities have been permenantly severed. She'll go and have her life, and I'll have mine, and we're both the better for the fact that we aren't tethered to each other.

Apart from that, there were the usual jingles of Family Easter Celebrations, and much gravy filled food to be eaten. The end of term Kendo party appearantly went very well in my absence, but I wasn't really feeling up to getting smashed that night. Both Kerri and Kristin cancelled on Sun, so i've mostly been left to my own devices.

Things to look forward to:

Jazz with Cas on ... Saturday? (yay!)
SC3 comes out Thursday.
...
That's a short list. Things to do. Add more to the above list.


Based on readings and observations, i'm beginning to really believe that no matter what camp you sit in, almost nobody wants to hear anything they don't agree with. This is probably directly stemming from the fact that most people's opinions stem directly from their immenent surroundings and upbringings, and the worldview is limited to paying the next bill.

People are constantly clamoring over each other trying to get to the top of the pile, and if anyone states an opinioning of differing persuasion, they are denounced as a lesser being, if not publically or consciously, although often both. The problem with this behaviour is that it is in general harmful to the majority of people, and humanity overall. You can't even denounce playing the pile game at all, because you inevitably get caught up in an anti-pile pile (i.e. a counterculture), and start spending your time trying to be the best at screwing the other pile.

It's a rather debilitating circumstance, and unfortunately appears to be geared into our lizard brains. If it's unavoidable, I guess the best thing to do is get into piles that recognize what they are, and at least try to generate benefit overall in the shuffling that goes on, if not trying to somewhat mitigate the behaviours that crush those underfoot.

I've clearly been coding too long today.
I think I should see a shrink, just to see if I can really wig her/him out.