For my own amusement

Things to say if you are a g-man and want to blend into the neighbourhood. It is important to always speak in a monotonous voice, and repeat these phrases whenever possible, otherwise someone may suspect you are not who you say you are.

Roadcrew:
"Hello fellow road crew worker, welcome to the road crew"
"I work on the road crew"
"Look at that woman's breasts, they are large"
"The road is out, and we are working on it"
"Being on the road crew is arduous, but rewarding"
"My red sign helps me work on the road"

Phone Line worker:
"Some day, the popularity of mobile phones will make my job obsolete"
"I have a special phone"
"I can climb telephone poles"
"This is my job, to work on the phone lines"
"I can listen to any phone conversation I want, but do not, because of my sense of professional responsibility"

Gardener:
"These are my hedge trimmers, they help me trim my hedge"
"I wear sunscreen while trimming hedges to prevent melanomas from forming on my skin"
"I take frequent breaks to prevent carpal tunnel syndrome"
"My good landscaping adds to the property value of the entire neighbourhood"

Homemaker:
"This is my house, and I am responsible for its upkeep"
"Cherry is a flavor of pie"
"When my husband drinks excessively, I may threaten him with this rolling pin, though we still love each other very much"
"Pies are delicious"
"For the last several years, I have relied on prescription medication to make it through the days"
"Though I do not receive a paycheck, I consider my homemaking to be my occupation"
"Over time, my husband will desire me less sexually, but he will always enjoy my pies"
"Rhubarb is a contraversial pie variety"

Sewer worker:
"The sewer is very important, and we are responsible for its upkeep"
"This job is unsavory, but it must be performed by someone"
"Feces"
"There are no documented cases of aligators found alive in sewers"
"I am a waste management technician"
"Though I often smell of excrement, I deserve your respect, because I provide a valuable service"

Woman watering plants:
"This is my watering can, I use it on the plants to water them"
"Water is important"
"I enjoy watering"
"Plants need to have water poured on them, because they have no hands to hold glasses of water"

Widow:
"The dead people are underground, and I have brought flowers because I am sad"
"I wish my loved one had remembered to indicate me as the beneficiary of his 401K land"
"I do not know whether to remarry, or to remain loyal to my loved one"
"The cemetary is full of dead people"
"I wish my loved one was not dead, but alive"

Assassin:
"This is my gun"
"Sometimes I work for the government"
"My motivations are clear only to myself"
"I do not kill out of passion, but for money"
"I am in charge of assassinating important figures"