}

Friday, April 29, 2005

The way people's mind's work

Got some snazzy new clothes today. I think most of the next two days will be written off to travel. My flight leaves Vancouver on Sat at 4ish, and I land in Toronto at midnightish local time. I lose probably 3 or 4 hours tomorrow to the Ferry between Victoria and Vancouver.


I've noticed that there doesn't seem to be really a connection between how attractive, physically, people are, and how attractive they see themselves. I'm not sure I understand this exactly. It probably has to do with self-security. Most of the girls I know, no matter how many times you tell them that they're attractive, they won't believe you. Even the ones that are stunningly gorgeous by anyone's standards won't believe you. Most will think they are, at best, average

Today I was told by a trusted female friend that I am positive has no attraction towards me what she thought of me, phyisically, and out of the blue.

It's nice to hear that from someone you trust, and makes your day a little better. So Girls, if someone you know tells you that they think you're way more attractive than you think you are, please take it under consideration. Knowing that you're attractive and being an arrogant bitch are not the same thing.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Back from Whales

Spent most of the day out in the Pacific (Or probably some gulf thereof),
Saw many whales, may have some ok photos of them, I wish I had brought my telephoto though. I'll put them up after I get them developed. Was thinking of a list of things I want to do at some point:

- Rent some Jetskis and go up to someone's cottage for a weekend, and blast around on those, and then later get really drunk.
- At some point in the future, when I have money and a girlfriend (Read: In like, 10 years), get a yacht and cruise around in the thousand islands for a couple of weeks
- Go to Wonderland, I have a seasons pass for this year, since it came with the one I got last year. I know someone out there likes Splashworks as much as I do.
- Spend more time at Martini Bars
- Spend most of the summer hanging out with people, barbequing on my deck, and generally having a sweet time (Have I mentioned enough how kickass this summer is going to be?)
- Go rockclimbing at some point
- Get my bloody Scuba Diving License, at last, and do a lot of that, and at some point, go to Australia and do it in the Barrier Reef.
- Think more about Law School. Damn you Grisham.

Tomorrow is High Tea at the Empress Hotel. La di da. Get to get dressed up, probably no photos for that one though.

What are we doing the week after school starts? Anyone have any plans? Need to find out if BOT is that friday.

Forgetting that i'm retarded, Jon's birthday is on Friday, not Wednesday. Wish him happy birthday then.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Mid Week Post

When I get back to Ontario, I'll publish a more thorough post. I'm about half way through my Vacation, have been doing a bunch of stuff (Granville Island, Vancouver Aquarium, Ferry to Victoria, Butchart Gardens), Tomorrow is Whale Watching day, the day after is High Tea at the Empress Hotel, Friday will mostly be spent on the Ferry back to Vancouver, and Sat. Mostly on the Plane (5 hours, and I lose 3 to the timezone switch).

I've mostly maintained disconnection from the Internet, much more than usual when you consider for the last 4 months i've been on the net more or less 15 hours a day.

Had a lot of time to relax in the outside (I hear it's snowing back home, suckers, it's 23 degrees here). BC is rather different than Ontario, I will expand on this later, with Photos to demonstrate my point (I'm about 5 rolls down). Had a lot of time to think about my life, and the people there in, and sort some things out and make some decisions. It's nice to be able to step back from your life, and remove yourself from the need to have any responsibilities. Allows you to refocus on what you want, what you need, and what you need to do. Anyway, I'll post something longer (read: very long) on Sunday after I move back to waterloo most likely. I hope everyone is having a good last week of exams.

Oh, and everyone wish Jon a happy birthday tomorrow.

Monday, April 25, 2005

I was going to

post about BC in great detail, I had all this eloquent prose established to describe the great natural and artifical beauties of the province, and all the things I did, and saw, and hear. But I don't really feel like bothering anymore, so if you're actually that facinated, just ask me. I very much doubt that a large number of anyone who might read this cares deeply about my vacation, and I don't really have an urge to talk about it at length, so that's that.

I'm off to waterloo in 2 hours. Adios.

Friday, April 22, 2005

wooosh.... and he's gone....

Today is my last day at co-op, and most likely my last day at Entredea Inc. forever. I had a good time there, but it's time to move on to new things, learn about something other than programming in .NET. Nevertheless, I have a standing offer to return if I can't find a job next term, so that's a bit of Insurance for me. Today they're taking me out to lunch at Turtle Jack's, and then we're heading off to Dave and Busters or Go Karting, or something like that. Should be a decent day. =o)

Tonight I'm packing my stuff up, and my flight for BC leaves at 930 tomorrow morning, so it looks like i'll be getting up early. That'll be a long day, since the flight will take 4 actual hours, but I go back three time zones, so it only takes net one hour. Vacationing (and whale watching) will ensue for a week, during which I will be ex communicado, so anything you need from me will have to wait until Apr 30.

Upon returning, I shall probably burn out my eyes from being weary, and engage in a prolonged unconciousness. Then I get the joyous task of packing up all my stuff here and carting it to Waterloo. I might have time for a coffee break before I leave if anyone is interested.

I still don't know when BOT is, but if it's the friday following May 1, then i'll be partying that night, and heading back to Richmond Hill on the Sat, otherwise i'll probably take off when classes end friday night.

If I don't speak to you before I leave, have a good week, those of you who still have exams, don't worry about them, it's just a test, and i'll talk to you when I get back (Other that my hypothetical coffee date, I'll see you tonight.)

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

VisitorVille

Hey Cas, you picked the wrong tracking system. You should have gotten this.

Self-Improvement

Ok, so appearantly I'm all about self-improvement. I guess that's fairly self-evident now that I think about it. What strikes me as odd is that the distinction that I _AM_ concerned with that would be indicative that most people are not.

That... is not good.

I don't really know why I want to improve myself. It seems self-evident, and yet unexplainable. I think a lot of people make improvements to themselves in specific ways so that they can trump others in the 0sum game of life (Go to the gym so that you're more attractive than the others in your circle, Study so you're getting better marks than others in your class, etc.).

And that's fine, Because that 0sum game is what drives most of humanity to improve themselves, and hopefully in the process develop something that improves the standard of living for the rest of us.

But I don't think that's why I do it. I think that's why I did it once, but i've never really done anything spectacular because I wanted to beat out other people, All the most significant things I've done, i've done for their own sake, to learn, or for my own amusement.

That said, I think i'm going to burn up the tracks in the marks department this summer, just to demonstrate to myself that I can. I've never really held marks as being something important, and I don't really do so now. In engineering especially, they try to make you competitive, show you your ranking in the class, stuff like that. Try to motivate you to work harder. Well fuck that. I don't need to be the best in the class by some little ranking. This isn't about being the best, or about impressing people. This is about being the best person I can be. So take that Earth.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Appearantly I have an impact on people

Here's an oddity. My friend and Classmate Ruth-anne told me that appearantly I had a profound impact on her and made her want to be a better person. This is a major what the fuck in my department, as Ruth-anne is on a morality level very above par most human beings.
Appearantly she means in a more "I want to be a whole person" kind of way. Supposedly I said the following:

"Figure out who it is you want to be, and then become that person".

You'd think I'd remember when i'm being offhandedly profound, but I guess not.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

We're all in the mood for a melody; And you've got us feelin' alright

Last night: Drinks with Cas at Einstein's. Very Remeniscent of POETS or 36 back in town. Coursairing around Chapter's like bees in a newly found garden, searching for books with which to nose into in the coming weeks. She picked up Maurie, I nothing, for I had forgotten my magic money, but returning today....

Ender's Shadow - Orson Scott Card

A Time to Kill - John Grisham

Mort - Terry Pratchett (I saw an amateur adaptation of this book as a play last year with Iris, and I must say that Death is my favorite Pratchett Character, and I've never read Mort. If you feel the same, Pickup "Hogfather", it's excellent).

The Corporation - Joel Bakan. I've seen the movie, but not read the book. The movie was good, I expect the book will be also.

I doubt I'll burn through them all by May, but we shall see. I felt kinda crappy this morning, (Who gets home at 2 am and gets up at 7 anyway on a Sunday?), But I went out with my Dad for Breakfast, and perused Home Depot for a while, and it turns out he's always wanted a Jaguar, but wouldn't go to the dealership with me because he's afraid if he finds out he can get one within his price range (And after a look on the net, he definately can), then inevitably he will get one, because a McQuarrie trait is to understand that money has no value in of itself, and is simply a means with which to enjoy ourselves and buy things we want, and we do so, and don't worry about it.

There's always more money, there aren't always more nights of smiling and laughing, and sunday afternoons feeling the wind in your hair (or in his case, hairs *smirk*) driving around in a car you've always wanted.

It's life baby. Weird how having a bath (One of the ways in which I am sterotypically a girl, if any of you were wondering when the hell I would get around to doing that quiz you've all been passing out) can change your perspective.

Things worth having, and people worth being with are worth working for, in different senses of the term. I'm just fortunate enough to be able to do in ways that I enjoy on their own right.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Total Completion

Finally finished that Golf Website. God damn, Data Entry is the most boring thing a person can do. If I had to do that for a living, I would run away from society and live in the woods.

I have a credit card problem, in that I sign up for services which charge recurring fees, and then I stop using the service and forget to cancel the recursion, so I frequently get suprises on my Credit Card statement (I have another year paid for of Puzzle Pirates).

So when my next paycheck comes, i'm going to apply a tool to my credit card. That tool will be sharp and preferably have an extension cord. Then I will go to the bank and get one of those Gold Visas they've been pestering me to sign up for.

Kiss me goodbye, i'm gone in a week.


Found this in LJ:
See if you can Figure This Out

It's in Japanese, that's part of the fun, figure out what you have to do, and then figure out how to do it. It's non-trivial, but fun. Hit the big round button to start.

If you want a Hint:



You need to get everyone across the river. The boat can hold two at a time.
You have two little girls (girl 1 and girl 2), two little boys (boy 1 and boy 2).
You have a Jailbait kid.
And you have Three Adults: Woman, Man, and Guard (hereforth known as "Cuffs").

The boat needs to have at least one adult on it in order to go across or come back.
If you leave the man on the same side as either of the two girls, without the woman, he'll beat them.
If you leave the woman on the same side as either of the two boys without the man, she'll beat them.
If you leave the Jailbait kid on the same side as ANYONE, and Cuffs isn't there, she'll beat whoever she's with.

Get em' all across without anyone getting killed. Have fun.

Friday, April 15, 2005

A Morning Gaming Moment

EDIT:
To prevent This from loading slowly

After reading the review for Metal Gear Acid, I suddenly had the urge to play it, and thought to myself: "Fuck, now I have to get a Nintendo DS, and i'll have that piece of shit, just like Jon does, with no games except for Metal Gear Acid". And then I remembered: "Oh Shit, Metal Gear Acid is on the PSP, not on the DS, that will require more money, but at least it won't be on the DS, which appearantly doesn't EVEN have Metal Gear Acid."

Sorry Jon. =o)

Thursday, April 14, 2005

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here

I'm soon going to have a much needed splash of ice water in the face as I disconnect from the net for a week, turn off my phone, and fly across the country to watch whales and reload.

When I get back, there'll be time enough to sleep and pack as I get my things together and head back to Waterloo for another four months, give me something to hammer my mind into, let go of the last couple months, and move ahead.

Need to find a book to read while i'm gone (paper, not e). Something interesting, but not mind bending, I've had enough of a mind and emotional bend for a while.

New life approaching, are you going to be in it?

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Save Toby

This is clearly hilarious, my favorite part is the receipes. It's clearly a joke, by the way, before any of you animal rights activists go nuts.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

MSN 7.0

For those of you who have not yet upgraded. Get on it.

Best feature so far: MSN 7.0 now has two name fields, one for your name (which is what you'll see if you're using 6.2 or lower), the other for comments which appear in italics. Ok, so what?

Well, there's also a switch that will, in realtime, plug the name of whatever song is playing in your preferred Mediaplayer into that field, so you can see what other people who have elected to show you, are listening to, in realtime. They say it only works for Mediaplayer 10, but it works at least for the latest release of iTunes, and I imagine it probably works for Winamp as well.

Once you get it, you'll find it's very busy and full of shit. The following hacks make life easier:

1) Get rid of those stupid tabs on the side of the contact list.
Tools -> Options -> Security.
Check 'This is a shared computer, so get rid of those stupid tabs even though that has nothing to do with this being a shared computer'

That may not be the exact text, but you get the idea.

2) Download this.
Run that sucker, it lets you pick which shit you don't want in MSN and rip it out (e.g. advertising, some of the buttons, also allows you to run multiple instances if you like).

Totally reversible if you want it back the way it was.

Enjoy.

A neat idea

So Paul Rademacher, i.e. the lead Tool developer for Dreamworks, has taken the Craig's List listings and built a scraper that pulls out all the housing listings, and allows you to filter by different criteria.

Ok, so that's not all that special.

But he then plugged it into the Google Maps API and basically created an interface that allows you to visually see all the housing listings on the craig's list for your area. Not particularly useful to me or anyone else on its own (unless you happened to live in that area and need a house). But a good proof of concept for people who want to develop for GMaps. I bet REMAX would love to get their hands in that. Now I just need a .NET wrapper for that, and some time to do sales pitches.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Books for this term

Numerical Methods with Matlab. $139.95
Programming Language Pragmatics. $97.50
Computer Organization 5th Ed. $144.95
Semiconductor Physics and Devices 3rd Ed. $169.95
Electric Circuits 6th Ed. $106.95
Microelectronic Circuits 5th Ed. $159.95
Cognitive Exploration of Language and Linguistics. $54.95

Tax: $61.12

Total: $934.32

Sudden Realizations

While it might be blindingly obvious, I realized today that the only thing I can really do with my life is work towards the benefit of humanity in the best way I can. I need now only figure out where the pressure must be applied most effectively. The two biggest candidates are both Singularity Candidates: The elimination of Aging, and Smarter-than-human, self improving AI research. The conflict is that both of these are developing, seem very pipe-dreamy to me. At the same time though, I don't see how it would be of greater benefit to simply develop IT in the long run. A shot to completely change the world in a fundamental and beneficial way and failing is at least a shot. Plodding along in tedium ad noseum is not a more equitable solution. The personal profit concerns are irrelevant.

So now to determine which edges to twist.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Let the mind wander

So it's been an interesting week.

I went from last weekend where I felt spiritually and emotionally impoverished, to a position where I feel quite stable, my cup runneth over in many dimensions. I feel very balanced, ready to move forward and onward in the various faculties of my life.

Put a lot of energy into making Cas feel better than she has been this week, and, strangely, I feel that energy has only grown, rather than been drained away. I think I have some of my own ideas about the whole situation, which I will not voice here or in any forum, but time is a moving factor here, and one which is perhaps to the benefit of all. All will fall in place as should be, as long as the players keep playing, and the universe will keep spinning as always.

Today was a day of playing tennis in the sun and looking at SMART Cars and Mercedes (mmm.... SL 500... one day..) with Todd. And formatting my Harddrive, perhaps a technical reflection of my personal situation. Backup what you need, wipe the board, and reinstall. Just a matter now, in both, of getting my settings set up the way I like them, and making some decisions of what gets burned, what gets reinstalled, and what gets tried out new.

Storage Technology

I recind all previous negative statements about Hitachi's new HD Technology. I further state that from now on, I want all
Press Releases to involved Disco Dancing Bits in a Flash Cartoon.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Out of curiosity

If you read this, can you leave a comment. It'd be nice to know who's lurking out there.

SSI Shredding Demonstrations

If you ever wondered how you would go about shredding a boat.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Events of the past

The weekend came and went... Back to the killing fields in 10 hours..
I'm pretty ready to be done and gone. I've come to the realization that my internal churning is not yet complete, and I've still got thoughts to think and feelings to feel, and so I return to my Ivory tower to rethink my life and sort out my dreams.

Dinner with Cas on Sat was a marvelous time, as always, The Jazz bar was a little tight and crowded, but I liked it nonetheless. I think if a return visit occurs, Cas may venture beyond the mundane realm of Caeser Salad, and perhaps promote herself to BB's Linguini.

Apart from that, My weekend has been spent unfrying my brain from the hordelands of coop, and introspecting to what I want, and at the same time .... balancing that against what i'm ready for. Jocelyn is a hidden marvel in assisting one into looking to themselves sometimes.

Started writing again. Tepid flows at first. We'll see where it leads. Balance in All, what.

Realized today that I want to care about things again, and that I have begun to do so. Care about how I look, care about how I think, what I do. Care about school. I can get better marks, so I'm going to. Going to do a lot of things.

Expect not to hear a lot from me in the future. Churning is occuring, Being careful. Being patient. Growth. Need to become who I am and who I want to be, without ego, without concern for petty things. I can be better than I am, and I will be. Now I must do it.

Change for the better.

And a man said, "Speak to us of Self-Knowledge."
And he answered, saying:
Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always know in thought.
You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.
And it is well you should.
The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless and measureless.

Then a ploughman said, "Speak to us of Work."
And he answered, saying:

You work that you may keep pace with the earth and the soul of the earth.
Always you have been told that work is a curse and labour a misfortune.
But I say to you that when you work you fulfil a part of earth's furthest dream, assigned to you when that dream was born,
And in keeping yourself with labour you are in truth loving life,
And to love life through labour is to be intimate with life's inmost secret.

And the weaver said, "Speak to us of Clothes."
And he answered:
Your clothes conceal much of your beauty, yet they hide not the unbeautiful.
For the breath of life is in the sunlight and the hand of life is in the wind.
And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.

And a merchant said, "Speak to us of Buying and Selling."
And he answered and said:
To you the earth yields her fruit, and you shall not want if you but know how to fill your hands.
And suffer not the barren-handed to take part in your transactions, who would sell their words for your labour.
To such men you should say,
"Come with us to the field, or go with our brothers to the sea and cast your net;
For the land and the sea shall be bountiful to you even as to us."
And if there come the singers and the dancers and the flute players, - buy of their gifts also.
For they too are gatherers of fruit and frankincense, and that which they bring, though fashioned of dreams, is raiment and food for your soul.

Then a lawyer said, "But what of our Laws, master?"
And he answered:
You delight in laying down laws,
Yet you delight more in breaking them.
Like children playing by the ocean who build sand-towers with constancy and then destroy them with laughter.
But what of those to whom life is not an ocean, and man-made laws are not sand-towers,
But to whom life is a rock, and the law a chisel with which they would carve it in their own likeness?
What of the cripple who hates dancers?
What of the ox who loves his yoke and deems the elk and deer of the forest stray and vagrant things?
What of the old serpent who cannot shed his skin, and calls all others naked and shameless?
What shall I say of these save that they too stand in the sunlight, but with their backs to the sun?
They see only their shadows, and their shadows are their laws.
And what is the sun to them but a caster of shadows?
But you who walk facing the sun, what images drawn on the earth can hold you?
You who travel with the wind, what weathervane shall direct your course?
What man's law shall bind you if you break your yoke but upon no man's prison door?
What laws shall you fear if you dance but stumble against no man's iron chains?
And who is he that shall bring you to judgment if you tear off your garment yet leave it in no man's path?
People of Orphalese, you can muffle the drum, and you can loosen the strings of the lyre, but who shall command the skylark not to sing?

And the priestess spoke again and said: "Speak to us of Reason and Passion."
And he answered saying:
Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against passion and your appetite.
Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul.
If either your sails or our rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.
For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.
Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion; that it may sing;
And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.

And a woman spoke, saying, "Tell us of Pain."
And he said:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.



And an old priest said, "Speak to us of Religion."
And he said:
Have I spoken this day of aught else?
Is not religion all deeds and all reflection,
And that which is neither deed nor reflection, but a wonder and a surprise ever springing in the soul, even while the hands hew the stone or tend the loom?
Your daily life is your temple and your religion.
Whenever you enter into it take with you your all.
Take the plough and the forge and the mallet and the lute,
The things you have fashioned in necessity or for delight.
For in revery you cannot rise above your achievements nor fall lower than your failures.